Purpose and relationships

I've never really been one for blogs. Quite frankly, I never understood their purpose. It didn't seem logical to me that if one had close friends with which to talk, you'd never need to write it down online for everyone to see. I never got it when friends would tell me to go check out their blogs online; why would I do that if you were right in front of me and could tell me what was going on in your life? I'm beginning to understand at least one reason for blogs.


Now I'm here in Wilmore, Kentucky, studying at Asbury Theological Seminary, and I find myself in a very odd social arrangement (if that makes no sense, give it time; I'm about to explain). And here is where relationships come into this whole mess. I have recently left close friends at the university in which I did my undergrad; they haven't been around me (nor I them, for that matter) for about 8 months. At Asbury I have made quite a bit of very really amazing friends, some of which I have grown quite close to; yet my Asbury friends have only known me for about a month. Currently I am trying to figure this whole relationship thing out, and I fear that I am doing so in quite a bit of isolation. For at the same time that I have friends who don't know what is going on in my life now, I also have friends who know what's going on in my life presently without knowing much of my past. I hope you can see this gap that I'm floating in the middle of.


To make the matter more complicated (never worse), I'm considering restarting a relationship with my last girlfriend. And to make the matter even more complicated, my approach to dating relationships is something that makes complete rational sense practically (for me), yet hasn't worked in my experience for the last 4 years. Here's my approach:


1. I am a Christian and am looking for a godly Christian woman.
2. Any relationship between two Christians should start as a friendship and, as the relationship deepens, should be strengthened with stronger and stronger commitments.
3. No one should date without being open to the possibility of marrying that person; otherwise one of you will lead the person on and hurt them when the relationship ends.
4. One can be with just about anyone so long as core values and beliefs are shared and the two can work together towards future goals and dreams.


For me, that last statement is the trouble of it all. Because while on one side I understand that I am wired to be married to someone eventually, on the other I want to make sure that I leave as many options open as possible (yeah, I know I'm a jerk). So while I am not afraid of commitment, I also have the fear that I'll make the wrong decision in pursuing someone. If only Mormonism were true; this would settle everything. But fortunately God has chosen how His people should live through His Son Jesus Christ. And that is how I want to live.

Any advice you have to offer would be of great interest to me. Feel free to give your two cents or a doctoral dissertation if you feel so inclined.

~The ADHD


-Let's go ride bikes!