A Pelagian vs. An Augustinian View of Romantic Relationships?

So here's the deal as I see it: there are people out there (and especially in the Church) that have an Augustinian view of relationships; that is, they believe that God has one person for them and they will eventually meet them and spend the rest of their life with that one person. Then there are those out there (and I would venture to say that this includes the general secular population) that doesn't believe God will choose for them anyone, but that any relationship one desires must be forged by their own will-power. One sees God completely in control of everything from the first date to "'til death has parted"; the other has God (or any higher power for that matter) entirely silent and comfortably subdued (at least until things get messed up).

Though soteriologically (that is, in terms of experiencing salvation) I am more of a Semi-Augustinian, I would like to suggest that in terms of human, romantic relationships, I am Semi-Palagian. Even though God has expectations for a Christ-like dating relationship and may even have a hand in bringing someone into my life (and I her), the decision falls on me and to whomever I am attracted to make something happen. I have a hard time believing that God, though He has infinite wisdom of all things, is sitting on His throne dictating who is getting together with who, when they will share their first kiss, or what they will eat at the reception. Christians (I don't even have to mention the secular world) have far too many divorces to suggest such a belief. It just doesn't sell.

Even still, I believe God has an interest in our relationships with others; otherwise He would have left Adam to choose among the animals who he would find companionship with (scary thought, huh?). God, even today, doesn't enjoy seeing His most amazing part of creation (humanity, not me in particular) suffer from loneliness and the struggles that arise from it.

Tonight I am writing to you on the latter side of a decision that has left me single once again, and I am once again on the lookout. But before I go looking in places that will get me into trouble and keep me from the plan and inherently promised blessings God does have for me, I submit to my Lord and King Jesus Christ my life, my love, and everything that I am or ever will be. He knows me better than I do, and is capable of transforming my life in such a way that will prepare me for the person whom I will choose to spend the rest of my life with, and she her. In all things may my Lord be glorified.

~The ADHD
Look! A bird!

Disc Golf

I love disc golf. I've been playing regularly for about 6 months, though my first time playing was a couple of years ago. But today I have encountered something new about myself: I'm not cut out for tournament play.

Today I was playing a round of disc (or frisbee) golf at Icthus' course just outside of Wilmore. I've played it last week and thought I'd give it another try, because I tend to get better the more often I play a course. Now the course at Icthus is not that hard; the baskets are extremely easy to find, the holes aren't extremely long like others I've played, and all of it is in wide-open fields. It's a really nice course. Now, normally disc golf courses have signs at the beginning of each hole that tell you what par the hole is, dependent on how long that particular hole is. But in tournament/professional play, every hole of every course in the world is par 3.

Here is where the tragedy occurs. I finished out 18 holes at Icthus at a +6. One third of the holes I bogied, and I only came close to getting a birdie twice; both times I could never get the disc in. The majority of the time I got the disc into the basket in three. Thus I have determined that I am simply not cut out for tournament play; well, at least right now. I am naturally a competitive guy, so when you put me with other people I will naturally want to do the best that I can. We'll see; perhaps I can learn from friends of mine that are better and from the people with whom I play and have a hope of having the skills of tournament/professional play. If nothing else I can use the fairly good skills that have been given to me by God as a tool for future ministry. I at least won't completely embarrass myself when I take young adults or high school students out for a day of disc golf.

~The ADHD
-Let's go ride bikes!

Purpose and relationships

I've never really been one for blogs. Quite frankly, I never understood their purpose. It didn't seem logical to me that if one had close friends with which to talk, you'd never need to write it down online for everyone to see. I never got it when friends would tell me to go check out their blogs online; why would I do that if you were right in front of me and could tell me what was going on in your life? I'm beginning to understand at least one reason for blogs.


Now I'm here in Wilmore, Kentucky, studying at Asbury Theological Seminary, and I find myself in a very odd social arrangement (if that makes no sense, give it time; I'm about to explain). And here is where relationships come into this whole mess. I have recently left close friends at the university in which I did my undergrad; they haven't been around me (nor I them, for that matter) for about 8 months. At Asbury I have made quite a bit of very really amazing friends, some of which I have grown quite close to; yet my Asbury friends have only known me for about a month. Currently I am trying to figure this whole relationship thing out, and I fear that I am doing so in quite a bit of isolation. For at the same time that I have friends who don't know what is going on in my life now, I also have friends who know what's going on in my life presently without knowing much of my past. I hope you can see this gap that I'm floating in the middle of.


To make the matter more complicated (never worse), I'm considering restarting a relationship with my last girlfriend. And to make the matter even more complicated, my approach to dating relationships is something that makes complete rational sense practically (for me), yet hasn't worked in my experience for the last 4 years. Here's my approach:


1. I am a Christian and am looking for a godly Christian woman.
2. Any relationship between two Christians should start as a friendship and, as the relationship deepens, should be strengthened with stronger and stronger commitments.
3. No one should date without being open to the possibility of marrying that person; otherwise one of you will lead the person on and hurt them when the relationship ends.
4. One can be with just about anyone so long as core values and beliefs are shared and the two can work together towards future goals and dreams.


For me, that last statement is the trouble of it all. Because while on one side I understand that I am wired to be married to someone eventually, on the other I want to make sure that I leave as many options open as possible (yeah, I know I'm a jerk). So while I am not afraid of commitment, I also have the fear that I'll make the wrong decision in pursuing someone. If only Mormonism were true; this would settle everything. But fortunately God has chosen how His people should live through His Son Jesus Christ. And that is how I want to live.

Any advice you have to offer would be of great interest to me. Feel free to give your two cents or a doctoral dissertation if you feel so inclined.

~The ADHD


-Let's go ride bikes!