Worms and Authority

I am a man of contradictions; and I'm sure that if I dug deep into my past I would find that I have always been that way. And yet I don't believe that my life as a contradiction is similar to a life of hypocrisy. Much like worms do not attempt to assume a position of authority, so I do not make it a habit to live a life of contradictions--they just happen; they are a natural part of the complexities of life.

And here is the contradiction that I think has surfaced in my life: while at once I feel perfectly and yet humbly connected to God, yet at times I do not always feel connected to God's people. While at times the fight to find words to pray to God is no fight at all, still at other times my mouth is shut up and my tongue loses all ability to speak any word of encouragement or word of praise to those with whom I identify as the Body of Christ. At times this struggle is temporary and not so stressful. Yet at other times the struggle can become so intense that I wonder, "Am I even part of the body of Christ?" or "Are they part of the body of Christ?" Questions keep bouncing in and out of my head, and thoughts about expectations and humility, voicelessness and authority, continue to rage within me until my hope and joy of anything of God is stolen from me. And yet I am silent.

I understand that, just as my relationship with God is fraught with mistakes and setbacks this side of heaven, so my relationships with the people of God (my brothers and sisters in Christ!) will not likely be any better this side of heaven. Yet at the same time my heart, and when I am alone my voice, cries out for a deeper walk with those who have committed their lives to my God--even as I cry out to God for a closer walk with Him. Those that I have come to know as devout followers of Christ would agree that without Christ we are, can do, and can attain nothing. Christ said it Himself! "Apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5), speaking to the image of branches to a vine. Yet can I be so bold as to say that apart from the Body of Christ, the communion of saints, the disciples of Christ, we can't become anyone, do anything, or accomplish anything for ourselves or God's kingdom? I don't think I need to be so bold, for scripture is bold for me: "But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other" (1 Corinthians 12:24-25). If we have become part of the body of Christ through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, then we have been given a purpose and a status that should not be separated from the rest of the body. As Paul continues on in verse 26, "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it." Scripture is clear on the subject: willfully separate yourself from the communion of saints, try to "do" Christianity on your own, and you will die. You will never reach the potential for which God created you.

I must confess that these questions and these proposed answers are not rhetorical. They are not simply random questions that I have sought to answer in order to become "more mature." Rather they are questions that I am struggling with presently, and which do not fail to have a history lugged behind like the proverbial ball and chain. For at present I am struggling with feelings of loneliness and seclusion, inaction and apathy that do not want to die. I have sought the Lord; I am continuing to seek the Lord; I will forever seek the Lord until I die or these questions and concerns are answered. But I have come to realize that I have the potential to become much like my biological father. When life gets hard, when relationships aren't going the way that I expect or desire, there is a potential that I would simply give up and allow the people that I am commanded to love, live their lives without me. Rather than at least try to maintain (heaven forbid develop!) the relationships God has given me, I would be content with letting people move on with their lives; because let's face it, who am I that anyone should pay attention?

Fortunately, the Gospel that has been revealed through Jesus Christ tells my heart different. God hasn't let me go so far away from the truth to know that, though I am from the dust, I am of eternal consequence. There are things about me that have never been, nor ever will be, duplicated. There are thoughts, abilities, passions, and countless other things, that no one has ever had nor ever will have. There are things I will do for God, things I will say for God, people I will meet for God, that others may never have the opportunity to do, say, or meet. And all these things will never come to be (nor praise given back to God) if I allow myself to get in the way of...myself.

It's going to be hard. I am going to make mistakes; after all, I am not infallible, nor have I yet been raised to incorruption. Yet my hope is not in what I see, but in what I have yet to see. My hope is found in the promise that God can change hearts; God can change lives; God can bring people back from the dead; and God can rescue those who are stuck in their own ways. I am no different from anyone on this earth in that regard. But I can't do this alone. I am incapable of experiencing all these things (and more) without the Church. Our culture would suggest otherwise, but I am more inclined to believe what two thousand years of the Christian faith says than what the last 200 years of the American culture says. So if anyone who reads this is going through the same thing, or has yet to receive the answers that I myself and looking for, tell me. Perhaps we can walk this journey together. May God bless you.

Another Week of Ministry with God's Transforming Grace

God goes ahead of you, He walks behind you and beside you. God is under you, above you, in you. All at the same time, and with you not often realizing it. Tonight I had the opportunity to meet two men who are absolutely and dearly loved by Jesus Christ, and in whom I believe God is doing amazing things. Herman and Ray-Ray are two guys just toughing it out on the streets of Lexington. They've taught me some things tonight that need to be shared if I'm going to prevent myself from learning again.

Pray. My friends and I prayed earnestly for God's presence tonight, and the Holy Spirit came. He guided us into truth about ourselves and about the people we talked to, protected us until we looked back on the night at the mistakes we made, and personally gave me a desire to become rich in the knowledge of the Lord. It is because of Him, through Him, and to Whom I give all glory for the things we were able to do tonight.

Understand their needs. Tonight I had the amazing opportunity to feed Herman and Ray-Ray. We walked up to a restaurant called Tolly-Ho, and I fed them. Now while I do believe that my decision to do so was Spirit-led, I probably should have thought a little longer before venturing off to get them some food. For what I didn't realize was that Friday nights are like feast nights for the people who sleep at Phoenix Park. Every Friday night a group comes in at 9:30 and at 11 to bring the homeless people food. And while it is great that we have brothers and sisters in Christ who are providing those things, we need to be careful that we don't become a social justice movement to the neglect of proclaiming the Gospel. Feeding people physically without offering them freedom in Christ is to disparage the Gospel and offer cheap grace. And that kind of ministry will never build the Kingdom effectively; it'll keep stomachs full and offer a twisted version of materialism.

Think before you act. Within two questions I was standing and walking with two older and larger gentlemen alone, heading to McDonald's for some food. Within another minute I realized what I had done; one of our rules is never go with someone (much less two men) alone, and here I was doing that. Praise God that in His mercy I was protected, but in the future I'm going to have to be a little wiser and more hesitant to get up and go.

Teach with loving authority. Most of the people that you will minister to in street ministry are street-wise. They will often tell you things that they think you want to hear and will often run you around in circles conversationally. You need to be careful to hear what they have to say, yet guide them with questions that will open opportunities to plant the seeds of the Gospel. Because at least in Lexington, most people, when asked, will tell you that they love the Lord; yet their lives, actions, and decisions do not line up with a transformed life for Christ. And it's with these people that discipleship is the next step. One thing that kept coming into my mind tonight was Jesus' statement "to whom much has been given much will be demanded." Though we need to be sensitive to where they are, we need not shy away from challenging them with the truth of the Gospel in love. Without God's truth they will remain crippled, blind, deaf and poor. Sadly, most of the churches in the Lexington area provide for physical needs without the challenge to grow deeper in Christ.

Bless richly. Working in this street ministry has helped me understand the Gospel in a whole new way. I'm beginning to understand how rich I am in Christ and yet how wretched I am in blessing others with what I've been given. I hardly ever share Jesus with others and the wisdom He has given me, and yet tonight I have met two men who have yet to understand how Christ transforms our lives from the inside out! They have yet to understand the power and blessings found in the Body of Christ! So when it comes to understanding God's Word I need to be hungry, so that when I get fed I may be able to give that to men like Herman and Ray-Ray. They have a craving for God's truth- even though they may not apprehend or comprehend it yet.

Lord, I give you all the glory for what happened tonight. You've done marvelously in my life and in the lives of those my friends and I have encountered. Continue your work in and through my life and the lives of my friends as we seek your will and your Kingdom.

With love,
The ADHD
~There's something over there! -->

Unexpected Sources of Spiritual Development

Tonight I had the chance to meet a few men who have challenged my walk with Jesus. Homer, Jose, and Terrance are three ordinary men living on the streets in Lexington, doing what they can with what they've been given. Each one is an amazing person; Homer is an elderly gentleman whose arm is broken either at the wrist or elbow. He works at a bank and simply wants to be able to work as best he can. Jose from Cuba; he's been living in the U.S for about 20 years moving around the country finding jobs and places to stay where he can. Jose is also extremely intelligent! You wouldn't know it, but he has an amazing grasp of history and people. Terrance is literally a walking miracle. He's had 12 heart attacks and several strokes! Yet he's still around praising God for what He's done in Terrance's life. He's going in for quadruple bypass surgery soon and some friends and I had the chance to pray for his healing. We're praying that the doctors would find a shocking surprise when Terrance goes in to the hospital next week.

If you had told me this morning that I'd be meeting some people tonight that desperately needed to hear that God passionately loves them, I would have had a hard time believing you. I've never been accustomed to starting conversations with people in public in order to direct them towards the love of God. It is beyond my comfort zone and completely alien to my Christian practice. But I had two amazing brothers in Christ with me; men of God who challenged me, prayed for me, and encouraged me that as we seek the leading of the Holy Spirit among these people who have so little, we may be able to show them a glimpse of the Kingdom and give them simply a taste of the riches of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Lord Jesus, I realize that I have been selfish in so many ways. And even now I find it difficult to move beyond myself. But your love isn't simply the kind that expresses itself in ways that are familiar and comfortable. Your love is the active and proactive kind: it pushes the limits, crosses into unknown territory, and does not stop until its purpose is fulfilled in every heart of humanity. By definition your love is selfless. Give me just a portion of your love and it will be overflowing; break my heart for those who do not know you, that I may be ready to splash your love into others' lives.

Let your love be my consuming passion

The ADHD
~Look! A bird!

A Pelagian vs. An Augustinian View of Romantic Relationships?

So here's the deal as I see it: there are people out there (and especially in the Church) that have an Augustinian view of relationships; that is, they believe that God has one person for them and they will eventually meet them and spend the rest of their life with that one person. Then there are those out there (and I would venture to say that this includes the general secular population) that doesn't believe God will choose for them anyone, but that any relationship one desires must be forged by their own will-power. One sees God completely in control of everything from the first date to "'til death has parted"; the other has God (or any higher power for that matter) entirely silent and comfortably subdued (at least until things get messed up).

Though soteriologically (that is, in terms of experiencing salvation) I am more of a Semi-Augustinian, I would like to suggest that in terms of human, romantic relationships, I am Semi-Palagian. Even though God has expectations for a Christ-like dating relationship and may even have a hand in bringing someone into my life (and I her), the decision falls on me and to whomever I am attracted to make something happen. I have a hard time believing that God, though He has infinite wisdom of all things, is sitting on His throne dictating who is getting together with who, when they will share their first kiss, or what they will eat at the reception. Christians (I don't even have to mention the secular world) have far too many divorces to suggest such a belief. It just doesn't sell.

Even still, I believe God has an interest in our relationships with others; otherwise He would have left Adam to choose among the animals who he would find companionship with (scary thought, huh?). God, even today, doesn't enjoy seeing His most amazing part of creation (humanity, not me in particular) suffer from loneliness and the struggles that arise from it.

Tonight I am writing to you on the latter side of a decision that has left me single once again, and I am once again on the lookout. But before I go looking in places that will get me into trouble and keep me from the plan and inherently promised blessings God does have for me, I submit to my Lord and King Jesus Christ my life, my love, and everything that I am or ever will be. He knows me better than I do, and is capable of transforming my life in such a way that will prepare me for the person whom I will choose to spend the rest of my life with, and she her. In all things may my Lord be glorified.

~The ADHD
Look! A bird!

Disc Golf

I love disc golf. I've been playing regularly for about 6 months, though my first time playing was a couple of years ago. But today I have encountered something new about myself: I'm not cut out for tournament play.

Today I was playing a round of disc (or frisbee) golf at Icthus' course just outside of Wilmore. I've played it last week and thought I'd give it another try, because I tend to get better the more often I play a course. Now the course at Icthus is not that hard; the baskets are extremely easy to find, the holes aren't extremely long like others I've played, and all of it is in wide-open fields. It's a really nice course. Now, normally disc golf courses have signs at the beginning of each hole that tell you what par the hole is, dependent on how long that particular hole is. But in tournament/professional play, every hole of every course in the world is par 3.

Here is where the tragedy occurs. I finished out 18 holes at Icthus at a +6. One third of the holes I bogied, and I only came close to getting a birdie twice; both times I could never get the disc in. The majority of the time I got the disc into the basket in three. Thus I have determined that I am simply not cut out for tournament play; well, at least right now. I am naturally a competitive guy, so when you put me with other people I will naturally want to do the best that I can. We'll see; perhaps I can learn from friends of mine that are better and from the people with whom I play and have a hope of having the skills of tournament/professional play. If nothing else I can use the fairly good skills that have been given to me by God as a tool for future ministry. I at least won't completely embarrass myself when I take young adults or high school students out for a day of disc golf.

~The ADHD
-Let's go ride bikes!

Purpose and relationships

I've never really been one for blogs. Quite frankly, I never understood their purpose. It didn't seem logical to me that if one had close friends with which to talk, you'd never need to write it down online for everyone to see. I never got it when friends would tell me to go check out their blogs online; why would I do that if you were right in front of me and could tell me what was going on in your life? I'm beginning to understand at least one reason for blogs.


Now I'm here in Wilmore, Kentucky, studying at Asbury Theological Seminary, and I find myself in a very odd social arrangement (if that makes no sense, give it time; I'm about to explain). And here is where relationships come into this whole mess. I have recently left close friends at the university in which I did my undergrad; they haven't been around me (nor I them, for that matter) for about 8 months. At Asbury I have made quite a bit of very really amazing friends, some of which I have grown quite close to; yet my Asbury friends have only known me for about a month. Currently I am trying to figure this whole relationship thing out, and I fear that I am doing so in quite a bit of isolation. For at the same time that I have friends who don't know what is going on in my life now, I also have friends who know what's going on in my life presently without knowing much of my past. I hope you can see this gap that I'm floating in the middle of.


To make the matter more complicated (never worse), I'm considering restarting a relationship with my last girlfriend. And to make the matter even more complicated, my approach to dating relationships is something that makes complete rational sense practically (for me), yet hasn't worked in my experience for the last 4 years. Here's my approach:


1. I am a Christian and am looking for a godly Christian woman.
2. Any relationship between two Christians should start as a friendship and, as the relationship deepens, should be strengthened with stronger and stronger commitments.
3. No one should date without being open to the possibility of marrying that person; otherwise one of you will lead the person on and hurt them when the relationship ends.
4. One can be with just about anyone so long as core values and beliefs are shared and the two can work together towards future goals and dreams.


For me, that last statement is the trouble of it all. Because while on one side I understand that I am wired to be married to someone eventually, on the other I want to make sure that I leave as many options open as possible (yeah, I know I'm a jerk). So while I am not afraid of commitment, I also have the fear that I'll make the wrong decision in pursuing someone. If only Mormonism were true; this would settle everything. But fortunately God has chosen how His people should live through His Son Jesus Christ. And that is how I want to live.

Any advice you have to offer would be of great interest to me. Feel free to give your two cents or a doctoral dissertation if you feel so inclined.

~The ADHD


-Let's go ride bikes!